The feeling of Hope is a fleeting emotion many of us struggle to find. While some might say there is always HOPE, I would say that it is often hard to see or feel at times. Depression and desperation have a way of robbing us of hope.

Hope gives us strength. Strength to want to wake up tomorrow to meet the new day. Having a little hope has a way of making the day just a little better. In the face of adversity, it gives us the courage to continue on even when everything around us makes us feel as if that just is not possible. Conversely, without hope, it is easy to feel alone in the world. Immense feelings of loneliness. The sad fact is that without hope, many people simply cease to be. Read that again and think about what I just said. They CEASE to exist. There is a distinct finality in that. The guttural tear-filled cry asking our Creator for HOPE is very personal for me. Is it wrong to want to go to sleep and not wake up? Having no hope will make you do that. Yes, losing my dad was hard, but losing Adam took my breath away. I was somewhat prepared to lose Dad one day (Children are pre-programed to accept the loss of their Parents, eventually), but I never thought I would lose Adam. I hoped Adam would be a significant part of my future. Losing Adam was like losing all hope for what I dreamt of in a happy life. I’m sure you can relate. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Writing it out is cathartic for me. It helps. Thank you for helping me process these feelings here. That means a lot. As I said recently, I am not my Loss, but it is a large part of who I am.

For me, today though, I choose to seek happiness and Hope. Happiness because well, who wouldn’t want happiness in their life? And Hope, once again, because I need something to hold on to and to hope for. The hope that tomorrow will be better. The hope that, one day, I will find love. The hope for a good, rich (It’s not only about money) and fulfilling life with someone to share it with. Are you picking up what I’m dropping here? These are my hopes and dreams for me and my tomorrow. So, I am on a quest, and I hope to find what I am looking for. And as I continue, I will try to be grateful for the blessings that I encounter. Whether people or experiences, or BOTH, I am and will be grateful for them all.

As far as the blessings and good experiences, here is a little insight into a few of those. Not surprisingly, my deepest and most fulfilling friendships have grown more than I could have imagined over the past few years. Crying on the shoulders of your closest friends as they comfort you in your deepest sorrow and grief has a way of bringing you closer together. I’ve been fortunate to have some of the best friends ever. They are patient and loving and often let me ramble on about all my life struggles. I love them and they me. Also, I feel fortunate to have been able to make new Friends too. I now have fiends in Folx I may have never met had it not been for loving and then coming to grips with losing Adam. I have experienced happiness sitting around a campfire with a dozen other guys, just passing the time away. Here is a something I thought I would never say, I actually like camping. For the record, I am a self-professed Marriott person. I love earning Marriott points. You don’t get Marriott points by camping, so for me camping must be fun. And I actually dream of the Camper Lifestyle. I dream of going on a road trip in a recreational vehicle just for the sake of seeing new places.

Fun experiences that took me outside my comfort zone also brought a little joy and happiness my way these past few years. I’ve zip lined a few times and even white water rafted once. I Love to zip line but not much will ever convince me to get back in a rubber boat to ride a torrent of murderous rushing white caped water again. This I PROMISE!!!!!! I’ve been to concerts (I Love PINK) and even plan to be in New York City next weekend to see a Broadway Show. SIX and the story of Henry the 8th’s six wives sounds interesting, don’t you think? I can’t wait. I travel a lot and will find almost any reason to go on a road trip.

And on a more intimate level, I’ve been open to meeting new Guys with the hope that maybe, just maybe, one of them might be THE person. I’ve been fortunate to meet some wonderful Guys. Each with their own unique personality all with much to offer a willing Suitor. One, in particular though, made a greater impact on me than he may even know today. Let’s call him, “B“. We share many similarities and, to be honest, he has many of the traits I want in a Mate. He has beautiful eyes and a gentle soul; he is smart and witty and loves animals and music… and that’s all I want to share about him today. While it has been months since we talked, the time we spent together did help me, more than he may know right now. The time we spent together helped me find a little hope and experience some happiness and maybe a little joy. I needed that and I deeply appreciate him for helping me find it. Maybe I can find the courage to share this with him one day. Whether we were meant to be forever in one another’s lives, “B” holds a special place in my heart.

So, you see, I do have HOPE and something to be grateful for. Maybe the true reason for writing this has been to help me realize this precise thing? There must be some happiness in some of what I shared, right? So, as I continue on this journey, I want to express my sincere appreciation to each of you for coming along. THANK YOU for listening to me as I openly share some of the most intimate and painful experiences of my life. THANK YOU for offering me advice and comfort, when you felt I needed it. I definitely did.… Thank you for giving me the courage to share and THANK YOU for giving me a tiny portion of your day.

Once again, please feel free to subscribe or comment. I read all your comments and greatly appreciate your kind advice. I wish you all the best. Happy Sunday.